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Every waking hour is a new chance for you to make a difference

2012, this is my golden globe year.  Every waking hour has destined to be my success. Every sleep has helped me dream bigger, better, and harder. I dream, and I react to my dream I have got what I dreamed of.  I am so done being a sap. I don’t look for people to come and feel sorry for me. I don’t feel sorry for me. I love me, my life, MY LIFE AND ME.

I will brief you about my life in a past couple years. “F#ked “that’s the best describe I could think of.  And I have no intention to think about it or feel it again. I am alive. I have survived it.  Telling you what nobody dies a virgin, life fucks us all. TRUE!

A lot had happened and yeah yeah yeah I am alive. I am not going to tell you about my tragedy because there was nothing fancy or good to share to you at all. I am here to share the goods. And what I have learned from it.


Easy to say, right? Right! Hard in practice?? Not really, you just need a little bit of mental exercise. When the shit hit the fan, you only have 2 choices:

It is ok to take an offer because god knows one day they will want your help too

1)      Drown into the shit, suffocating and die ( with shit in your nose and mouth – WRONG)  … Or

you don't need to convince anyone - You're happy and you know it!

2)      Shit diving – You know that what really causes drowning isn’t the fact that you can’t swim. People die intentionally from drowning (even when they know how to swim) because of asphyxiation. It has absolutely nothing to do with your freestyle backwards. Your anxiety kills you. You lose your control over your body and you drown.  So, LET’S JUST DIVE THE SHIT OUT OF THE SHIT, SHALL WE?


Do not hate successful people for being successful, rather you admire them and learn from them so one day you can become successful, too

Need I say more?

Please, believe me on this on. I don’t like asking people to believe in what I believe, but it works like a magic. Except it is not a magic. Avoid negative people. JUST DO IT.

See?? I was smiling even when I didn't have a bikini top on.

Remember, your thoughts create your future. And if you want to have a brighter and better future then I think you better off without negative vibes. Feed your thoughts with people or stuff that inspire you, motivate you.  Don’t waste your thoughts on shitty thoughts of others.  THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR GOAL… so; you decide what is good for you?

I am writing this with a heart full of love, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I have people who live life positively and they have a huge influence on me. People who tell me that they’re happy to see me doing things that others ( negative human beings) think it’s stupid.

I suggest you to take this quote serious !


Last advice ;






The Hidden History of Women By Kj Ink

Back in September, I asked a friend of mine who is a writer,composer, poet, and also an educator to write me a piece about “Woman” to go with my event.  Not just to create such a beautiful piece of work, KJ also put on the most memorable performance of the night.  

I am not a very feminist myself, I do realize that I need a man. I want to be treated like a woman, respected as a female. Gender equality will be one interesting topic to talk about for a long time. How about we don’t fight over that and accept what we are, who we are, and what they are, or what they can be, and appreciate them/us …. 

Kj explains it best

If you have never been touched by words : Follow his work.

There is a history

between our history and pre-history

A history in which Women were kings

A history that was methodically erased by men

til it was forgotten by man

the truth was suppressed

Women oppressed

and brainwashed to believe

they were anything but

better than us

And not just not better

not even equal




and less deserving

This is what we did to them

Pulling the pedestal out from under their feet

and handing them an apron and rolling pin

Artemis - Sumerian female warrior

It has not always been this way

That’s what you need to know

Before Buddha and Jesus andGreeceandRome

Before all the wars

that the Bronze Age bore

women were at the top of the food chain

Imagine that

Imagine it because it was real

A time, on this planet,

when fathers held their daughters as high as their sons

A time when Women did not feel inferior

when they knew their character intellect and insight

were just as good if not greater than any man’s

and they were leaders

of human civilization

This needs to be known

That half of the human race

was once overthrown

In the name of fear and safety

in the face of war

women finally needed men

like never before

and for thousands of years

we both believed this was the way

it has always been

like all the bibles say

but I’m afraid that’s not the case

and it’s time we look at each other

and admit that our sisters

can be better than our brothers

Same for woman : We need a real gent too

because without that admission

we’ll never reach an even keel

and we’ll never live in a world

where no one has to kneel

or submit themselves

to the entitlement of another

the truth has been there all along

it’s the reality you must discover

Amazon Female Warriors

Women were the first slaves

Think about that

And their enslavement was so profound

so psychologically sound

that by the time the chains came off

they forgot what they were capable of

what they could do

with unfettered hearts

and unrestricted minds

They forgot to ask

“If you are free yet powerless, then how free can you be?”

Doesn’t freedom inherently mean some say?

How shocking is it that women 6000 years ago

had rights that they just got back in the last century?

Women's movement in Western World


But our species is not insane

it is just childlike

Over the last 10 thousand years

it has behaved in much the same way

a brother and sister might

One day little brother became bigger than his big sister

guess what happened then

Might has been right for far too long

it’s time we sing a different song

a duet perhaps, instead of a sing-a-long

instead of a one man show

anything I can do….you can do better

and I can do anything better than you

I am not sure if men can look as delicious as us .... Face it, you want to be the guy in the middle

let’s be honest

our chromosomes and genitalia

have little to do with anything

How much you believe in yourself

and how much you are allowed to believe in yourself

is the single most determining factor

in the greatness of any one person’s life

Anything we can do

you women can do too

maybe even better



That seems to be the one area that we excel in

that you never have

Makes you wonder why we men are so proud

I don't think I would want to shave everyday

Don’t you see

by making half of the human race lesser than the other

we have effectively crippled our species

and our path of progress has been

something like

a two person row boat

with only one oar

It’s like our species suffered a stroke

that paralyzed half our body

Think about the atrocities that we have committed

upon each other

that might have never been

if there were a respected woman in the room

where those decisions were made

A respected woman

what images come to mind

when you hear those words



Kj took everyone's breathe away

Thankfully times are changing

Women have nearly dug themselves

out of the cave they were stuck in

and are seeing glimmers of freedom

and the light of independent days

Continue to do that

Continue to push the limits and bounds

that are now more internal than external

just as your foremothers did

when it was the other way around

Behind every great man, there is a crazy woman

I hope as you find more strength within you

you continue to push it out into the world

and make our species stronger, better, more human

more humane

May you reclaim your voice

and rightful place in the natural order of life

Balance us

Help us steer

Help us on our haphazard way

Be our equals

our friends

our allies

I can help myself, and also help you!

But most importantly

help yourselves

Don’t depend on us

Because we have just as much

to learn and unlearn as you

We cannot help but hold you down

even if we try to help you up

Do not take our hand

until you are standing beside us

on this utmost mountain top

We all must think differently

We all must believe in each other

Our perception of the opposite sex

must be broken down

til there is more common ground

than ever before

And in the days leading up to that

if we ever do find out

that chivalry is dead

I hope you

were the ones

who killed it

Well Said

Check more about KJ and his work, you will love him


KJ in action

And a little bit to read about women in history


Me and KJ on the night.

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I just finished Neil Strauss’es book ” Emergency : This book will save your life” I love it. There were so much about life I didn’t know, many useful skills and helpful tips that would keep me alive if I ever got lost in the forest.

99 percent chance of my survival before reading the book, the 1 percent was I wasn't sure if I could fight a man and win.

24 years,without camping or outdoor skills I have survived. I can’t light my own cigarrett I did once and the pressure from my tumb broke my nail. I don’t know how to use a knife. I can’t drive because I don’t want to. I don’t even know how to ride a motor bike. Without all these skills, I am still alive. I never thought I would be traveling through the woods and get lost ,or even I did go camping I would have my blackberry, charger,computer….I’m sure the today technology would save me. I know for the fact that I’d be safe no matter where I go or what I do. It’s been this way for 24 years and it may be this way…forever.

I tried to cut the apple into pieces. It was so hard and I ended up eating uncut


I never thought of taking Muay Thai lesson as a self-defense. I wanted to lose weigh, to be honest. Even 6 months of training I still got kicked the shit out of myself from a 6 year old boy when we sparred. No way I can fight someone.

Though,I have trained a street fight with one of the most respected martial art master from the west coast, who I love as my 2nd dad. I have learned basic street fight, pressure points, but there is no guarantee of my survival if THE SHIT HIT THE FAN.

Do I look like I could kill someone?

By the way, I do believe in law of attraction. I have lived with that for 24 years without a thought of me being kidnapped. The ideas of bad accidents never crossed my mind. I just know for the fact that it won’t happen to be.

Then again, as I look back into my law of attraction wishlist. Whatever I wanted I got it, and one of those was traveling through a suburb of a 3rd world country or war zone. And it appears to be real. I will be traveling under the people smuggling project through many different areas of SEA again soon.

My survival kit : Rubber resistance for attractive abs

I don’t think I would need to learn how to make a bomb or anything like that, but at least I should be able to use matches, sew clothes,use a compass, climb tress, etc… You can laugh.. but I grew up as the only child and my parents did everything for me. My dad still cut an apples for me and open a bottle of water for me……

They won’t stay with me forever. And that scare the shit out of me. Although, I can eat an apple with its skin.

So it’s time to learn not to be depending on anyone or anything. When Neil talks about “anyone” he also means “The system” , “The world”, “The nature”. I know I can’t count on my government as much as Neil could count on his. But … if shit like that … Apocalypse … End of the world… Catastrophic….Doom Day…..Blackberry out of business…. then that’s it.

I know my ass is a bad ass. I don't know if it will save my life though. Maybe...

Survival is not about avoiding death, it is about how you chose to die.

I have make a note and a list of some useful skills we overlooked , but it would save our lives. Some of them, I pick up from Neil’s book. Some of them, I learned from scout camp.

I don’t want you to be all freak out and paranoid, but let’s go through this with me and I will start writing all the useful skills, self-defense, and my knowledge of international law.

These are things I cannot do and I have to learn.

  • Drive
  • Fire a gun
  • Deliver first aid
  • Use a compass
  • Fly a plane
  • Light a cigarette with matches
  • Use a knife
  • Learn languages
  • Get in shape
  • Cut fruits
  • Be patient
I want us to survive. The strongest survive. The smartest kill the strongest and they make a new system for us to depend on….
We need to be strong and smart. Neil did tell you everything you need if you ever go out to the wild, but as a woman with 27.3 percent desire to live a wildlife I would combine the knowledge of basic law, self-defense,art of flirting, and how to run on high heels.

I always pack these with me when I travel in the country : (stay thin and healthy)

Hope you do your list and we could start some fun in the next post.
If you have a chance to buy this, do it.
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Happy Birthday : One step closer to death

Congratulations, you are now approaching the death station. Please mind the gap between good and bad, happy and sad.


As I am turning 24 this week, I would like to take this opportunity to write down my thoughts and talk shit about my birthday ideas in the past 10 years.

My duo birthday with my girlfriend , 2010

When I was 10 a birthday party was a big deal. I would buy a new dress, my parents hired magician and invited every kids to our house. My dad would get wasted and started to be all sensitive and shit about how much I mean to him.

My Dad's bd this year and that's what I got him

Thing changed when I turned 15, my first drinking lesson. I ended up in the bathroom sinking in my own puke. But I made a comeback and danced silly to one of those Britney’s song.

Nothing had changed much until you have been doing this every damn year and it gets boring.

People come to your party, eat your food, say happy birthday when you blow the candles on the cake you buy, they leave , and tomorrow is just another day.

There is nothing productive about it, isn’t there?

You are just taking another step closer to where you came from. You are celebrating death. Life is a journey. A journey to identity, a journey to pain and sorrow, a journey of a stronger, a journey to peace, and it is a journey to death. I don’t know if you have realized this, but I have.

This year has been so tough and it was a big test for me. Considered what life has put me through, I past the test. I survive the journey.

And if it is a case for celebration, then I will do it. I will celebrate my survival. I will celebrate my tiptop to death.

I did wish so, but I am glad it didn't happen so soon

I don’t really care if you remember my birthday, but I hope people remember what I have done to them/the world during my stay in this crazy planet.

I try to leave the best of me  for other people to see and inspire them to do the same or even better.

You don’t need to agree with me, and to be honest I don’t care.

This is how I perceive life.

At the age of 23, I have made a lot of mistakes than some of 40 years old. I have tried to success and failed more than some of 60 years old.I have been doing well every time I made new mistakes.

Birthday Dinner alone last year .... Best thing someone could have done to me!! leave me the f*ck alone for one

This birthday, I will celebrate my successfully failing of life. I will celebrate to my mistakes, and celebrate a journey to my cemetery. I want you to come visit me there and think of me for a person who makes a difference and inspires people, not to throw a rock at my grave.

Well, I don’t care now, so I won’t care later anyways.

23 and going to be 24, 25, and 70 if I am lucky

Wimintra since 1987

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WOMAN: I am what I am (2)

What I am need no excuses. Here are more of my girls from the 9 photo exhibition. Let just enjoy the beauty of women and how unique of each of us…


A single English lecturer of an international university in Thailand who come across as a straight forward, funny, and very trendy young woman “Vicky V” is one of my favorite lady.  At a very first moment  I thought she was a ballet teacher. I don’t know why, but she appears to be one of those dance teachers!!!! Vicky got me at hello!! She isn’t a dancer. I love Vicky for how honest she is. She would say things she means or how she feels without making listeners feel like they got hit on the face by a bottle of vodka! I am telling you what the phrase “truth hurts lie worse” isn’t always true. Some people don’t know how to hold their tongues and they would go ahead telling you the truth and also stab you at your throat with their sharp words. That’s not a case of “ Vicky”

She did take a bullet class when she was 2 or something though

Living life between one airport to the next “ Tan” is a butterfly ( beautiful and flies more than a cabin crew) Funny, loving and smart woman who lives life independently, doesn’t count on a man. Tan hits parties just like every one of us and also can manage to get herself home (driving) safely.  What I love about Tan is that, she appears to have a western character but after spending some time with her Tan happens to be a good mixed of Thai – Western miss character. She has got her own things, does whatever she’s got to do, be true to herself, listen to her heart and uses her head well. This is a perfect creature!

Fly like a fight attendant

This woman stole my eyes on the night. Swanti showed up on the night with one of those “CAN’T TAKE EYES OFF OF THE EYE” eyes!!  I have always wanted to have big eyes and yes!! She did it! I mean .She’s got them good!  Swanti is a young passionate makeup artist with a personality that brightens the room. Apart from owning of those (pretty) eyes, she’s got a sexy voice too. GOD DAMN YOU, SWAN! What is so charming about Swan is she can make fun of herself. I think that’s a skill. Those people who can’t laugh at themselves or take their life in a funny way, die faster than people like Swan. This girl is living up her life. The night before our shooting, she was out till 4 am and she made it on time by 6am. You want to live your life? Live it fun, Live it like Swanti…

We all love Swan's secret photo

A woman, this is best defining K-Kay character. An elegant, ladylike woman with a memorable laughter “ K – Kay” is one of us. She would talk and walk and behave the way a perfect lady would do, but she never forget how to laugh and laugh out loud. You can be all ladylike all you want, but you are not supposed to hold a loud laugh. It is so unhealthy. Who cares what people think about how you laugh if you’re happy and you need to crack it up then go ahead and laugh your ass off. K-Kay is a very good entertainer. She might not be as loud as I can be, not obnoxious as I am (which is not a good thing anyway) but she knows how to socialize. I am talking about sophisticated socialization, not yelling and swearing like I do. If I ever have time, I would send myself to learn how to be sophisticated yet fun with her.

She looks so serious for the first time!!


How can I not love my women? How can you not love women? The problem is you can love all of us at the same, but you can only HAVE ONE AT A TIME.

with one of our"men" a photographer.

Woman is a special creature we can put up with shit years after years but when the time comes we can easily take off without 2 week notice.

This is not a threat, nor promise. This is the truth of the universe.

If you have that special woman and you know it, clap your hands!


Check out the rest of our photos from my girl :



A traveling *hore : Living Similarity

I am back to Bangkok, my city , my people, my comfort zone, my normal life. 10 days ago, I was in Indonesia traveling, tagging along with these 2 amazing men from place to place, interviewing families of a victim of people smuggling, visiting villages after villages, and walking miles after miles. I am now sitting in my hotel room after my brunch trying  to write my blog while being sick from some virus I have picked up during my journey.

The look of Mister " WTF is this crazy biatch doing in my village"

What did I do with the people smuggling? How did I get involved? What am I doing or going to do after this? STAY OUT OF IT – HAVE A LITTLE FAITH IN ME…

At this very moment, just let me entertain you.

I have visited 3 families in 3 different cities and it’s blown me…

They are very nice people

These 3 families have one thing in common: They are dirt poor. I am talking about earning 1 buck a day for 5 people !!! YES, 5 PEOPLE in a family !!!

There is no security when it comes to their career or how much they will get. One of the women we talked to said she’d get up at 12 (at night) and go to work. What she meant was she had to hit the road by 12 and be at her office( a farm) and hope that there’d be a job waiting for her !!!!

Forget about facilities, or even basic 5s – THERE IS NOTHING.


They sleep on the ground without a mattress. A mat with a super old pillow and a vintage blanket, these are what kept them warm at night. ( I need to put my socks on when I sleep. Some of people I know have to lay their head on 500 bucks goose feather pillows with a zillion thread count Egyptian pillow case)

You can’t feel it till you live it. I am not saying that we should try living their lives. What we’ve got now is a blessing. LIVE IT, LOVE IT, LOOSEN IT UP some.. Some times.

I am now, going to show something we call “ SAME SAME, BUT DIFFERENT”

12.00 On the way to find work On the way to a bar ( to get more drink)
4 am Preparing food for family Deciding where to eat, and what to eat ( Hard decision)
6 am Going back to work Crash naked in bed
1 pm Lunch  Break ( with/without food) Brunch at Starbucks or still in bed (god knows)
3 pm Working under the sun( if they are lucky) Talking shit on Facebook
6 pm Working !!! Starting to work ( Start to turn off a computer)
7 pm Cooking for family Tired from work and spend 40 mins talking about how tired it was …. ???
Household work Gym, Getting ready to go out = Dressing up, Talking on the phone, Pre-Gaming
Rest for an hour or so Rest for a bit after a long day ( Rest = Texting people and see who’s out tonight)
Get ready to go to work Get ready = Double Check my stuff : Keys, Phone,Lipstick,Cash = CHECKED!
TOTAL EARNING 1 BUCK TOTAL SPENDING ??????? Let’s not go there.

Shoes comparison

ABSURD? YEAH! It is sick, isn’t it? This is just an example of my life. Think about how it would look if you compare their lives to P. Diddy’s? Or even compare yours life with Diddy?

The perspective changed though, right? You live an amazing life if you compare to how these people live. Your life is miserable consider working 8 hours day, drinking Starbucks coffee and travelling Economy Class, instead of drinking Champaign and sitting on your own private jet. Life suck, doesn’t it?

Sorry, this bed isn't good enough for me!!!! give me a mat

One thing I see though, these people have always been able to smile. THEY DO SMILE! They threw an amazing smile at me. They laughed (at me, I guess so since I don’t understand a language) They seem to be more happy and friendly than we are……

Would you trade everything you have got that causes you stress just to be able to smile from a heart?        Would you rather be happy without these material things and have your whole family sitting at a dining table with you or having every labels and eating alone in a 5 star hotel at night?

I consider myself a lucky one. It is not because I have things I need. It is because I do have choices to live my life. I can choose to be happy with average of wage, working like other Thais with secured job opportunity. Or I can choose to be happy staying in a hotel, drinking whatever coffee I can afford at the moment and refuse to be depressed, and do MY THING(S).

forget about VOSS!! Or even normal water

The similarity we all have in common is “HAPPINESS WITHIN”

You can have shit load of money and be happy. You can be a broke ass woman and still the happiest person on earth. You can be poor and stressed and keep being poor. You can be a billionaire ,living a living hell.

It is all up to you, REALLY!

fuck yeah


NOTE : Under this project I was on, I might not have helped saving a humanity. I do have a strong belief that my presence has effected to those women in the villages and it has inspirited them to get themselves out of a “SITUATION”


For more and useful info http://stujay.com/2011/11/21/the-language-of-people-smuggling-ii/

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A traveling ho* : Hello Jakarta … Tri Ma Gracie

Jakarta, Indonesia … Gran Melia, 11/3/11

That looks exactly like my room.. before I checked in lol

Hello World,

I have been staying here for 3 days already since I left Singapore (which I had already settled and called it “HOME”)

Now, this is my HOME.

“Home away from home” is the best definition and best described my feelings.

Before I make a mess .. The room looks hot..LOOKED

I have made every place “HOME”. There is no real “HOME” for me as you can imagine. I have been hopping on and off here and there a lot and I called every where I go “Home” I don’t feel the need of the feelings of “ HOME”

I make my staying and living in foreign countries “ HOME” isn’t it easier this way? I think it is a lot easier to feel like “home” wherever you go than travelling with homesick. For me, I pack my own HOME with me, Baby!!!

Part of ' Feeling like HOME"

My new family here is called “Gran Melia” and all the staff here is my friends and cousins, and siblings from other misters. They have become a part of my daily life while staying here in Jakarta.  Being said, the hotel has done a very good job to make a guest feels like she is living at home and every single person is her friends. All the credits go to the Hotel Manager….. Good job, you…Mr. Jaime Martinez…..

Jakarta hasn’t scored a place in my heart just yet…. I mean I just left Singapore!! Singaparu where everything is so convenient and getting to shopping mall is easier than finding my clean undies!!! (well, that’s not true lol)


Singapore has its charm for being “NOTHING”. For me, I like that “NOTHING” of Singapore … The combination of everything makes fine NOTHING, nowhere can kill it. Such a unique NOTHING …. And I find that very sexy!!!

Back to Indonesia, The world most crowded city lies on tropic of Cancer line, plus a murderous traffic. Not easy to get around here. You can get on a cab easily, but I don’t find that every charming during rush hours. So, my daily life has been set in the hotel.

Breakfast – Working (facebooking) – Gym – Watch some American shows –Nap –Dinner –Sleep …….. What a tough life?

Nothing to complain about life.. Really!

To make my daily routine a bit more interesting, I have set a goal. My goal is “Make one of my new family laugh and remember me” everyday during my stays. It works, and it is fun. All I have got to do is saying “ Tri Ma Gracie” and smile … SMILE like a blondie .. They love it!! I haven’t found anyone who wouldn’t smile or laugh at my dumb accent!! THEY LOVE IT.

MORE IMPORTANTLY “ I LOVE IT”  ….  I can’t just waste my holidays playing a tourist and not making anyone happy, but myself! I want to make my visit memorable.

I was there for Gucci handbag and Fendi Shades....No shit!! I mean NO!! SHIT! I WISH

Before I get going and get my butt to work for real next week, I hope I will be able to see more of Jakarta and give it a chance. I know every city, every people, every one, and every thing has its charm. I just need to have my eye wide opened!!!

Just a thought

NOTE: Haven’t got a chance to put on my high heels yet. If tonight passes then I won’t be able to wear them till I get back to Thailand or I could wear them while climbing the mountain …. Why the hell not? Right?

Havies, make life easier .. Flip Flops would do for now

Wim rock n roll in Jakarta